"Love doesn't sustain marriage. Marriage sustains Love"

In May 1943, German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote a letter to a young bride and groom, advising them on the nature of the union they were about to enter:

"Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal — it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man. As you gave the ring to one another and have now received it a second time from the hand of the pastor, so love comes from you, but marriage from above, from God. As high as God is above man, so high are the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of love. It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love."

A further reflection on Bonhoeffer's quote is in this Washington Post Op-Ed piece : “Marriage was a status we graduated into, and it was bigger than we were. It defined us, and not the other way around. Now we seem to be losing the institutional imperatives of marriage, leaving only the private relationship -- and that is increasingly likely to turn on such things as personal satisfaction.” (If its a match between Bonhoeffer and Bruce Willis, I choose Bonhoeffer.)

So, my question is this: Have the following words any power under God to save a marriage?

...to have and to hold
From this day forward,
For better or worse,
For richer or poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
Until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow and promise.”

Love, Justin.

Attendance is only 'First Base' for Church Life.

*** Bonhoeffer quote coming.

Attendance is only first base for Church life. Some of us still have to get to First Base. And first base is necessary. But we have so much further to go. There is so much more that a community in Christ is required to learn: much more wonder and toughness, joy and pain. I’m speaking on Ephesians 5 this Sunday. I am preparing as I type.

I have to post the quote below, because Bonhoeffer has always [and still] resonates with me.

• Bonhoeffer proposes in Chapter 1 of Life Together, that every believer needs to be able to ‘go-it-alone’ with God [Jesus went to the cross despite the fact that his friends didn’t sign up. He never said: ‘I go if my friends go too’.]
• At the same time he proposes that we need to ‘do-life-together’ [If God gives you one brother or sister to help you pick up your cross, he has then been gracious.] As it turns out, he has given us more than one. Much more.

Both of these have to be true simultaneously. [Never just alone and never just together].

Here is the quote:

"Let him who cannot be alone beware of community. He will only do harm to himself and to the community. Alone you stood before God when he called you; alone you had to answer that call; alone you had to struggle and pray; and alone you will die and give an account to God."

"Let him who is not in community beware of being alone. Into the community you were called, the call was not meant for you alone; in the community of the called you bear your cross, you struggle, you pray. You are not alone, even in death, and on the Last Day you will be only one member of the great congregation of Jesus Christ."

Love, Justin.

PS Anyone else think that Bonhoeffer looks like Christian Anderson's Dad?
And don't post any 'you still like Bonhoeffer' comment. You don't give up on old friends.

Friendship and Church

Just to let you know: we are making some good friends here. We miss our friends in Australia. But we are making some new ones here in NYC.

The picture above is one of The Boy's new friends. Her mom (and dad) lives near us and her mom is having a great time with the Wife!

So this is good.

However, my thought for the day...

We were walking with someone about a month ago in Times Square, and we made the observation that our new church is small.

[But, interestingly, larger than the average American church - don't let the mega-churches fool you. We are at about 100 (+/-) people who we would consider regular. We are growing each year, and for that, I thank God.]

Anyway, our Times-square-walking-partner said: "That's a small church - and you are kind of stuck there - are you sure that you will be able to make any significant friends? Ones that you actually want to hang out with? Someone with common interests? People who are on your wavelength?"

I understand the question. It was harmless enough. Everyone wants to make a friend at church. No one wants to be friendless. People leave churches all the time saying: 'I tried to make friends and I didn't.' And it’s great when you have someone who you feel safe enough to confide in.

All this I get.

However, I just finished spending time in Ephesians. And it struck me that ‘friendship’ is not the unifying feature of church. Jesus’ blood is. So a necessary outcome of the gospel is this: that, in Christ, Jew and Gentile are friends and therefore learn to be friends. They do not go to church looking for a friend. They are friends already because of Jesus, and therefore this needs to be expressed.

I can imagine in the early church, a Jewish believer saying: ‘I hope that I can find a significant friend who is like me’. And I can imagine a Gentile believer saying: ‘I hope that I can find someone with whom I can have a bacon and cheese burger on Saturday afternoon.’

But for Paul, being in Christ means that you necessarily [and deliberately] spent time with people different to you: people who you might not have naturally been friends with. The Dividing Wall of Hostility has broken down, and in Christ the Jew and Gentile stand together with common access to God. And this therefore needs to be expressed in the Church.

Said here: Ephesians 2:11-22, which necessarily leads to here: Ephesians 4:1-6.

The upshot of this in my mind is this [at least this is the theory]:

When I come to Church, I do not go looking to find the person who is most like me. I look for the person most unlike me and learn to express the unity that already exists by our common access to the Father.

I don’t go to Christ’s church looking to make some friends.
I make friends because it is Christ’s church.

If you do this, you will of course surprise yourself by making some surprisingly good friends.

We have already.

Very Bonheoffer, without the eloquence.

Love, Justin.